In the past weeks our class (Ako Ngatahi) were writing a short story about a video titled “The Present”. It was a story about a boy who got a present and it was a puppy. After he discovered that the puppy only had three legs.
Here is the video, I assume that you might enjoy the video and maybe my writing too bye!
W.A.L.T: Write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
The Present
I was playing video games they are very fun to play and then my mum came in she had a box.
I opened the box and there was a cute fluffy dog it looked happy the puppy love me and I love it.
Then I saw it’s leg it was off.
I did not like it “Yuck!”, and I threw it.
Then it saw a red squishy ball.
Then it ran into the cupboard and grabbed the ball.
The puppy kicked the squishy ball to me.
Then the puppy kicked it in a box then it ran into the box but then it got out.
Then the dog happy try to find the ball.
The dog found it. I picked up the ball. I got my crutches went outside and threw the ball and went closer on the grass. THE END
Tom, you have retold most of the story correctly,and used good sentence structure. You could describe the characters more and tell us how they are feeling and why they are acting the way that they are. Your next step is also to write in paragraphs and make sure that you include important details, eg, the boy is missing part of his leg too. I was impressed that you could fix up punctuation where needed. Keep up the great attitude!
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